Memories
by xblkdragonx
Summary: Russia loses all his memories after the collapse of the Soviet.
1. Chapter 1

**Join our MSN RC group: group26689(at)msnzone(dot)cn.  
**

A/N: Written as a game we played on MSN RC group. Grab the nearest book to us, flip to page 10 and using the 3rd word on that page, write/draw something RoChu. My word was "recognize"

* * *

China admitted it to himself even if he didn't show it to the world- it hurt. They once promised to be together forever, to stand by each others' side through thick and thin…but then Stalin died, Mao went power hungry and so…they parted bitterly. Tension rose, conflicts abound. Yet through it all China always thought eventually they would be together again. Even when his countrymen forced him to turn his back on Russia and form an alliance with America, he still held on to that hope. Living for so long, it was one thing China was sure of. Bitter enemies can eventually become the best of friends; lovers once separated can reunite. In his 4000 years of existence, China also learned one thing- nothing is ever sure.

"Hello China, I'm Russia. I shall be taking the UN seat for the Soviet. I hope we can have friendly relations in the future da?"

With the collapse of the Soviet and his rebirth, Russia…Ivan, had forgotten everything. Every pain, every happiness, everything they had shared. China could hear his heart breaking. But no. He can't break; he won't cry. He was a nation. He represents his entire country and had responsibilities.

Russia…not _his_ Russia, stared at him with curious eyes as he held his hand out. China smiled weakly before hesitantly raising his hand to shake the Russian's. Russia smiled, a familiar yet foreign smile. His hand tightened around China's, warmth seeping into China's hand and shook it. Soon- too soon- Russia released his southern neighbor's hand, taking with it his heat and turned around to take his seat.

Acting purely on instinct, his heart clenching- damn pride and dignity- China launched himself at Russia's back, knocking them both to the ground. He did not wait for decades to have their first meeting in years end like this.

Russia turned, his front now facing China as the Chinese nation laid on top of him, "Wha-"

He never finished his sentence, China crushed his lips on Russia's, desperately trying to fuse their bodies into one. Russia stiffened and laid immobile under the Chinese ministrations. What the hell was going on? He lifted his hand to push China away but…he tasted so sweet, so nostalgic, so heartbreakingly wonderful. Russia found himself closing his eyes, enjoying the kiss as his hand wrapped around the slim waist on top of him.

The moment Russia tentatively pressed his lips back against China's, the kiss became no longer bruising but soft and lingering. Their lips gently, lightly brushed against one another; nuzzled briefly, tasting, savoring each moment their lips met.

For China this was only one of many kisses they have shared but for Russia this must be nothing more than a random encounter soon to be forgotten. China kissed a little deeper, a little harder. _Please. Please let him remember me, remember this_.

Russia didn't understand it. He should be repulsed; disgusted that a nation threw himself at him and had the nerve to push him down and kiss him. But he didn't. Since his rebirth, he finally felt a peace, a sense of belonging. An ache soothed away by these gentle hands caressing his face.

_Ivan…I love you._

It's that voice again. The voice that haunted his dreams, keeping him tossing and turning at night.

_Ru-Ivan, really…you're such a messy eater. Come here...let me wipe it off for you_

It had gotten worse and worse. At first it was only a voice but now he could fleetingly feel in his dreams a hand touching him, a soft body pressed against his; see silky black hair run through his fingers like water.

His dreams became more and more distinct, more life like.

_Someone touched him on the forehead, brushing away his hair away from his eyes._

"_What are you looking at?"_

_He would smile, hugging someone he knew was dear to him in a tight embrace, "You. Just you."_

_His small companion huffed out in exasperation but still returned his embrace, snuggling deeper into the hug. _

_He could feel infinite happiness and contentment fill his body. Bliss. Pure, simple bliss. He tilted his dream lover's head up for a kiss...._

Then he would wake. So many dreams, illusions, nightmares- whatever they were called-ended that way. He could never see the face. The only thing he could ever remember were golden eyes piercing him, loving him.

The same golden-amber eyes China had….

Hesitantly, Russia reached shaking hands up to stroke the smaller nation's cheek. China looked down at Russia, shocked to find the lilac eyes glistening.

Hoarsely, quietly, still stroking China's cheek, Russia whispered, "Little Jao?"

**The End.**

A/n: based this off a Chinese comic I saw recently. I don't know the title, or the artist or even the link of where it came from. Sorry OTL.

This is also a good chance as any to mention that I probably won't use "aru" in anymore of China's dialogues unless it's fluff/comedy. Somewhat OOC, I guess, but I like it better when "aru" doesn't ruin his pattern of speech. ^^;;


	2. Chapter 2

Few Months Later

Russia leaned against China's desk, staring into a photo of him and China. It was the _only_ photo of them alone. They were clad in their military uniform, standing stiffly side-by-side. A commemorate photo of their alliance. It wasn't a photo of a happy couple.

He placed the picture back down on the desk and pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing. This was starting to become a headache. Did he love China? He couldn't deny the fluttering feeling in his heart when he remembers the soft smile of the other nation, but that was core of the problem. They weren't _his_ memories. Bits and pieces came to him- of China lightly calling his name, of gentle hands stroking his head. How can he call it love when the feelings he held were built from a past he doesn't remember?

_"Ivan, look, fireflies." China called out to him a few days after they reconciled._

_"I can see that, China." China flinched slightly at being called so formerly and Russia silently swore at his mistake. It was only recently he began seeing his southern neighbor as a 'lover' rather than a business partner. Intermingled with his affection and tender feelings was doubt and foreignness. "Ah, I'm sorry Ch-"_

_China shook his head, smiling tightly. "It doesn't matter. As long as you're still here, nothing else matters." _

Russia's throat tightened at the memory. The smile China gave him spoke of utter despair. It must be painful for him to smile when all he could feel was sadness. Which was why Russia was here today. They tried. They honestly tried to fully regain the memories of his past life, of rebuilding what they once shared. But it was no use. The Russia of the USSR and the Russia of Russian Federation were two different people, two different nations. He can't go back to who he once was, to who China gave his heart.

The person China loved was dead.

And so, he came to end it between them to save them both further heartache. They can still be allies without being lovers. Being lovers actually complicated matters. Yes, ending what they had would be for the best.

If only it didn't hurt so much.

"Sorry for the wait, Ivan" China burst through the double doors, "The meeting ran longer than I thought. I hope you're not mad."

Russia mutely shook his head, his entire body tense.

Confused at the silence, China placed a concerned hand on the larger nation's shoulder. "Ivan, is something wrong?"

"Ch...Yao," Russia finally began, looking everywhere but China's eyes. "I...I think we should just be allies. We shouldn't see one another unless it's at a meeting...."

"You want to break up?" China's quiet voice rang loud in Russia's ears.

Russia felt as if he couldn't breathe. Still, though, he managed to say one word: "Yes"

Silence. The ticking of the grandfather clock deafening.

"I see...." Slowly, China pulled himself away from Russia and Russia closed his eyes against the agonizing pain he felt at the lost of that heat.

Did he always feel this cold? Ahh...it is only when you experience tender warmth do you know what extreme coldness is huh? Russia buried deeper into his scarf. It's fine. He'll feel warm again one day.

Unexpectedly, soft fingertips touched his cheeks. Startled, Russia looked at China's surprised. China gave him a bitter smile before resting his forehead against the larger nation, his hands cupping the other's face.

"I knew it was coming," China whispered.

Unable to stop himself, Russia held onto China's waist for what might be for the last time. "How did you know?"

"Because every time someone mentions the past, you had an anguish look on your face." His small hands caressed Russia's cheeks. "It was hurting you. The memories you could and couldn't remember."

Russia held onto the delicate hands- hands he remembered even beyond death. "I'm sorry, Yao. I'm sorry I can't remember everything."

"Why are you sorry? It was a miracle you remembered me at all...." the smaller nation chuckled. It was now China's turn to close his eyes and contemplate the past. "What we had was not all happy. There were moments of tears, blood, and war. There was more hate than there was love." He brushed a strand of hair away from the lovely sapphire eyes. "But for the short moment we were happy, it overshadowed everything else."

"But it's all in the past now." China stepped out of Russia's embrace and smiled sweetly. "What I had with Soviet Russia- both the bad and good- ended in 1991. I should have known that."

Russia slowly got up from the desk, his limbs feeling unbearably heavy. "Yes...it did."

"Goodbye, Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. Goodbye to our past and all that we shared," China said quietly.

Russia nodded stiffly, pulling his scarf even tighter around himself. Just as he was about to take his first heavy step away, China stuck out his hand. "Hello, Russian Federation. I'm People's Republic of China."

The blond nation tentatively placed his hand into the other's. "Yao, what are you-"

"If we can't start from where we left off, then we can start all over." China tightened his hold on Russia's. "From now on, we'll forge our own memories."

"Is that alright with you, Russian Federation?" China asked.

Russia was stunned for a moment, but a soon a small smile played on his lips. "Are you asking me out?"

China blushed slightly. "N-not, exactly. We can start off drinking tea a-and then-"

"The sunflowers are nice this time of year," Russia interrupted China's stuttering, "You should come to my house and see them." He steadily returned the Chinese gaze. "They're very beautiful."

China said nothing for a moment before smiling. "I would like that."

* * *

A/N: I was asked to do a sequel to this before but I didn't until now because 1) There is already a planned fanfic where Ivan loses his memories and 2) I just couldn't think of an appropriate sequel. However re-reading "Memories" today, this idea came to me. My brain died at the end which is why it's all sappy bleeeeh.

Btw, I have no intention of continuing this. As of now this story is "complete"


End file.
